Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
