She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
