I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
