Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
