Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
