I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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