You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
