I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
