I feel like abortions should bother me more
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
