I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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