I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
did i just pee glitter
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
