I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
