i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
