Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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