I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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