I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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