Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
