the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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