it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
