I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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