Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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