if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
