i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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