i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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