I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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