Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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