i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
