We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
