so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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