dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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