i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
