Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
