i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
