Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
