Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
