He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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