A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Duck Duck Cougar?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
