lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
