I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
