lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
