Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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