gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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