need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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