How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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