i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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