Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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