i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
