You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
