Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
