she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
