Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
