i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
