I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
